The Gallifrey Film Society Presents....

( Work related memos - approach with caution )

One more for luck

Dear Immune System

Look, I know I said that October was going to be hell. This does not mean that you can shirk you job and give me cold sores! Buck up back there and get rid of them for next weekend!

love

The Rest of the Beckymonster

***

In happier news - A No Stress 30 Days Of Photography Meme - take as long as you want, chop and change days - just create and share 30 'days' of photos!

Yes, I am considering this - consider this fair warning;)

To: Professor Brian Cox

Re: Comments made during In The Shadow Of The Sun @ BFI on Saturday night.

I make no bones about the fact that I have a *bit* of a crush on you. No thinking being in the known universe would question me for such behaviour. You're handsome, intelligent, smart, witty and (seemingly) a very nice man.

The reason for this memo is this: Please for the love of the 'Verse warn a girl before telling an audience that you spent a very drunken night discussing the final scene of the excellent Sunshine with the even-more-beautiful-than-you Cillian Murphy (whom I *also* have a crush on). Who. let's be honest here, as 'Capa' was pretty much your avatar (and not in the 10ft Na'avi sense either!) in Sunshine- right down to the dress sense!

( Why? I'll tell you why! - Spoilers for the end of 'Sunshine' (2007) )

I already have a vivid imagination (and am a terrible perv) - don't make me use it! The results will be even more terrifying than Pinbacker!

P.S. Looking forward to Wonders Of The Universe!

Lots of love

Me

***

To: Danny Boyle

Re: Aforementioned talk

Thank you for being a top man for taking time out of the editing suite to talk to the audience on Saturday at such a pressured time. Also for creating some excellent films as well, Sunshine is a particular favourite. I also promise to overcome my dislike of horror movies to watch 28 Days Later at some point. The genius stroke of putting Christopher Eccleston and the aforementioned Mr Murphy in said movie will ensure I do!;)

I shall be using your 'It's *not* a documentary' comment every time someone complains about the 'science' of a tv show/movie from now on!

Please carry on being utterly awesome. And get onto finding a script with an awesome female lead which will pass the Bechel test. I know you can do it!

Thanks again,

Me

***

So that was *my* Saturday night - what was yours like?

To: Universe
From: Me

Re: Clocks going back an hour.

Can it please be Spring teim nao? Pls?!

I'll even forego the Christmas Who specials *bats eyelashes* ( 100% speculation = no proof. Possible spoilers )

Lots of love

Me (who dislikes it getting dark at 4pm!)

***

To: Student with a 5pm hand-in

Re: Leaving things to the last minute...

Okay - you want me to check your referencing... I can do that but 1) did you actually read the damn guide?! and 2) leaving it to 4.10pm (and having a no-excuses cut off of 5pm) to make corrections on the some of the worst referencing I've seen... (and I've seen a lot!)

Next time - Read The Bloody Manual!

Your duty Librarian and referencing expert

***

To: Whichever Asshat set off the fire alarms at 5.01pm this evening.

Re: The use of fire alarms and elbows.

FOAD

No love

Me

P.S. This also goes for students who dawdle getting their hineys out of the library because they have to be speshul and put their laptops away...

***

To: The BFI

Re: Premiere of The Tennant Version of Hamlet

*Thank you* (Yes, I even forgive you for putting it on a Monday night as well!)

Also, thank you for putting it up as a Members Ticket Ballot - I have two hopes of getting seats (that's plural - I'm sure that someone will take my arm off the ticket if I get it;)) I will endeavour to put myself forward.

Although - I will pass on the Scorsese interview - as tempting as that may be...

Love

Someone who has spent waaaaay too much money with you this year!

WIN

Wall.e for the third time. I don't care, I love this film so very, very much. Film of the Year.

Mamma Mia - the Musical which surprised me greatly. I wasn't expecting much but what I saw won me over. The rendition of 'Dancing Queen' was worth the two hours alone... not to mention the conversation between Colin Firth's and Stellan Starsgaard (he played Bootstrap Bill in Pirates of the Carribean - him!). If I didn't know better, I'd say someone had been reading slashfic!

FAIL
The projectionists at last nights showing of Wall.e. For about five minutes (during the superp short Presto) it was as in focus as I am without my glasses or contact lenses, i.e. not at all!

The manager I complained to at the end of the showing - show a little more concern a**hole! If it wasn't for my Unlimited card I'd take my business elsewhere as this is the second time I've had to register a complaint about my experience.

Yes, I am demanding when it comes to cinema - deal.

RANDOM MEMO
To: Dumbass with entitlement issues

From: Me - Billie No Mates

Subject: Seating at the cinema

You may have noticed that the cinema operates no seating allotment policy. Namely, you turn up and you takes your chances.
So, if you turn up during the ads do NOT expect to get good seats in a half/two-thirds full cinema.

Yes, I am Billie-No-Mates and I might have been sat slap-bang in the middle of the row. I would like to point out that I got there ten minutes before the lights when down, which was about twenty minutes before you. There were three seats either side of me that were vacant (that and I *did* go swimming earlier in the day and had a very nice hot shower afterwards. Hell there was copious use of toiletries afterwards!). So, plenty of space for you and your companion.

Just because you're with someone else does not mean that you have the entitlement to ask B_N_M to move over! I smelt very nice and my arse is not that big!

Be thankful that I didn't tell you to GTFOOMF!

( The moral of this story? )

To: The British Weather
From: Me

This time, last week, it was summer skirts and ballet pumps because of the glorious sunshine and warmth. Today, it's hiking boots and wooly turtle necks because of the freezing weather.

I drove to work in a sleet storm this morning. Please... sort it out!

No love

*******

To: Thomas, Ebil Overlord of the Monster residence
From: Me - loyal dispenser of food and fuss

You wake me up at 4am again and you will be sleeping with KoiSI! (think CSI, but they're fish)

Defintely No love!

*******

To: Students looking for statistics
From: One of your subject librarians

I'm sorry, the statistics you are searching for? They Do Not Exist. Do not blame me, blame the government. They have no (perceived) need for what you are looking for, ergo, they are not collected.

Please adjust your topic/mindset/attitudes accordingly. Or extrapolate from what is available.

********

To: Muse
From: Me, your devoted slave
Subject: NCIS fics

Yes, I know that attempting to write femmeslash can only widen my horizons as a writer but... Abby/Jenny, muse?!

I'm already going to the special hell for the story that rounds out Ducky's anecdote from 'Smoked' about him and Jethro on the run from the French fuzz. I don't need this too!

And no amount of 'but it has a pretty title (The language of flowers) and a structure (Ducky sees something he shouldn't have) and a rating (PG-13)' is going to make me write it.
Understand?!

Now let me finish 'Three Edges' and we'll have a longer talk... 'kay?

a little love

To the Programme Schedulers at BBC One, FXUK and Sky One

Please, for the love of the Lords of Kobol, stop frakking around!

Life on Mars on at the same time as Battlestar Galactica?! I understand that most people have VCRs (that's a bit of a sore point at Casa Del Monster) but what if you don't and you love both of them...

As for you... FXUK - what do you mean... No S4 NCIS until APRIL!?! Okay - it could be worse... The second series of Torchwood is not due until early 2008.

No love

B

*******

To the Asshat at Chicago Immigration

Dude - go on a customer service training course. Better still, park your 16th Century beliefs at the door when you start work in the morning!

Telling my sister and the Future Brother Unit that they should NOT come back to the States until they were married was... rude beyond belief. You have absolutely no damn right to preach to nationals of another country what the heck they should do with their lives.

They will get married. Eventually. Until then, butt out of their lives.

Certainly no love

B

*******

To Hard Candy.com

Dudes - you're breaking my heart that you've stopped production of your wonderful 'Stop' nail polish. Which is the greatest shade of red nail polish EVAR.

But not to allow folks from overseas not to buy it from you... that's just not right! Until then - ebay here I come!

No love

B

*******

To the TPTB @ Supernatural

Please, please, PLEASE can you stop naming episodes after lyrics from '80's rock songs?!

Naming them after Led Zeppelin albums - fine with me. But every time I have seen meta about the episode 'Born Under A Bad Sign', I have had the first verse of Whitesnake's 'Fool For Your Loving' running around in my head. Regardless of the fact that I haven't heard the song (in full) in nearly sixteen years! (And figuring out I'm weird is news to some of you?!)

This is when being one of the tag bunnies for sg1_debrief is Not Good.

No love

B

Dear Nice Delivery Man

You see that button beside the door? That's the doorbell. It does work. So next time you have to deliver a parcel, especially on a Saturday morning, please use it. As I really do NOT want to have to run out in my jammies on a freezing cold morning in bare feet to stop you from taking my parcel away!

No love

Me

*******

Dear Strictly Come Dancing judges (with the possible exception of Len Goodman)

Lady and Gentlemen - please... we know we're two weeks from the final. We know that the contestants have to raise their game in readiness but... These people are not professionals. They could do a damn good impression of it by the end of their time but until then... Back off a leetle.

Else my mum is going to have to pull a Gibbs (read smack people around the head) on one or two of you!

No love

Me

*******

Dear Muse.

Quit pissing around.

The end is in sight for the ncis_tinsel tale. We have three major scenes to write and it is done. Yes, we've collectively flailed over this many times but... we have to see this thing through. If the recipient doesn't care for it (as although we've kept to the spirit of the prompt - the letter is a bit more... blurred!) then tough on them. We have tried our best.

Now, c'mon... give it your all and then we can go write something less stressful... or at least try to;)

love

Me